*yawn* missed me? probably not. Ah well. Life's like that. Deja vu. Did i say this b4?
SYF's next week. I desperately need to perfect my "tika ta tika ta" rhythm. Sheeesh. It's not difficult but i just can't get it too used to "ta tika ta" Absolutely frustrating. Everything is frustrating. Frustrated over nothing.
Went to an ITE talentime to support a friend... I must say the soloist were of rather high standards. The band performances were not bad too.. just a tad bit harmful to my ears. It jogged memories, though few but hard to surpress. Begone begone. My friend managed to sleep through it! I applaud her feat. Anyway, it was rather good on the whole.
My friend wrote me a postcard =) said that i could go to her if i needed someone to talk to. Do i show that i'm in dire need for help? I''ve already recieved another one from another friend. Hmm... The more the ask, the more i wonder. I'm ok. or am i?
1 week of absence... nothing's changed, den again, everything's changed... I'm confused. The date and events seem all jumbled. Is it this or is it that? Is it up or is it down? puzzling, mind boggling~
Decided to include this..
Today i was watching "zhen qing" abt Shuang Shuang and xianghai. Shuang shuang likes Xianghai but Xianghai likes Caiyao, who's gone to who-knows-where leaving her daughter in his care. Shuang Shuang know's that Xianghai only has Caiyao in his heart and is determined to wait for her return. She wishes them well and hopes that Caiyao comes back soon so that they will be happy together but she's still willing to go through alot to make him happy. Typical of serials rite? Anyway, all Xianghai's left of Caiyao is a cassette of Caiyao singing and her daughter accidently erased part of the tape. Xianghai thinking it was Shuang Shuang who did it. He flared up and shouted at her. She ran off crying. Run yi went to comfort her. And Shuang Shuang said this to her
"wo xian zai cai ming bai ai yi ke ren shi na me tong ku de" or something to that extent. And i cried. sheeeesh. Luckily my family wasn't at home. It wasn't like anybody died or something, those words just struck a chord i guess. Yahla... agl is a sentimental fool, but there is truth to what she said don't you think so?
I love you lord and I lift my voice to worship you all my soul rejoice.
Take joy my king, in what you hear. May it be a sweet sweet sound in your ear.
i just got back frm church Lenten Vigil... 8-12+ wohoo.. it's been a while since i participated in such activities. The singing, the praying, the kneeling... my knees hurt a little, which again is a sign of ageing =/. We sang so many songs..I love singing~! I liked one alot but i didn't catch the title.. darn.. next time i find i post here k? haha... I'm super hyper now... just jubilant i guess.
This song just reminds me of st nicks... With the ongoing war and stuff i guess this is what we need.
Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me.
Let there be peace on earth, the peace that was meant to be.
With God as the Father, brothers all are we..
Let me walk wif my brother in perfect harmony.
Let peace begin with me let this be the moment now.
With every step i take let this be my solemn vow.
To take each moment and live each moment in peace eternally.
Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me.
*twirls round n round n round*
Today i got to swing on a swing bahahaha~~!! for a short while. I went to the lil' hill cum park just behind my house. I always tell myself i'd go there to walk but i neva got down to doing it. So today xin xue lai chao brought my bro there. After one and a half weeks of not having PE my stamina became shit.. My stamina has always been the cannot-make-it type but today was worse. My bro being the super-hyper active kido, ran so far ahead of me. He had to wait for me all the way. After all that, i felt like puking and my vision became all blurry. That's y i didn't swing much or else i'll puke all over, besides my bro was once again off to the other part of the park.. so energetic sia.. I felt like an ah ma!! Didn't do anything else besides tt.
Looks like i din get what i set out to know... kinda sad.. but nvm it's alright.
Y am i wasting my time here? I shld haf stopped long ago. I'm addicted to the stupid internet.. arggh~ *tugs at hair* Well is not reallie got to do with what i can use the internet for it's more of who i see on the internet. =/ I still didn't ask the qns that been on my mind and didn't say what i reallie wanted. "i came to see u damn it." ah well..... i'm stupid.
I decided tt the next time i came.. i'll pour all the thoughts i had the night b4... but i still can't bring myself to do it. I told my "cat" though more like we had a telepathic conversation. Where he just stared at me and gave me hugs when i needed. pathetic.
Oh my darling oh my darling oh my darling clementtttttinnnnnne~ lalala i just thought of tt. =) i can post i can post woopiee!! The best thing tts happened this week. Yesterday was depressing... Today's no better but it'll get better some day.
"Someday my prince will come, someday we'll meet again"cinderella. falalalalalallalaala~ bu zhi dao wei she me. When i am able to post i haf nth to pen down. Being cooped up sucks...*opens windows and tries to draw in deep breaths* WOoOoo.... i'm listening to the song yz sent(Turn the beat ard), lyrics r on his blog. so upbeat... I wanna dance!!
"To me it is the rhythm, no doubt about it, woah, woah 'Cause when the guitar player starts playing with the syncopated rhythem, with the scratch, scratch, scratch"
Oh yes.. yesterday i suddenly felt like clearing the mess from my table... My comp's on my table so it takes up 50% of it. Then there's my row of sec sch books, and my pile of sec notes on my right, next it's my newsweek subscriptions in a stack on my left plus nyjc stuff plus all the gifts, keychains, testtubes, saltshaker(w/o salt of cos), geometrical set, my beloved drumsticks(not chicken lah). After many hrs of going through the stuff... i have everything the same except tt my sec sch notes haf reduced to a quarter. I just can't bear to throw things away because every single item holds sentimental value. My decision to throw away 3/4 of the stuff was because i just stuffed them into the trashbag after reading all of it. If i were to hesitate a little longer i think i wouldn't haf done it.
I realised tt my ang mo was better when i was in sec. Seriously, cause now i seem to haf problems wif connectives. Whenever i write my essays the only connective that constantly pops up in my head is 'however', 'hence', 'therefore' and 'because'. Darn, brainwashed by GP lessons. heh... I was impressed by the essays i wrote in sec sch. Not tt it was superb, i just feel that i cannot manage to even write in that standard now. bohoo i lost it... I'm getting old. memory failing. speech impaired. Fancy tt. i'm not even 18. Life ain't fair...
30/3/2003
It’s 11, I’m still awake. I haven’t been online for 4 whole days. 2 more days to go. I can do it man! Heh. I’ve been sleeping at 2am almost everyday watching the tele, reading the collection of short stories I borrowed from the library. The stupid cough won’t go away it gets worse especially at night which is probably what keeps me awake. I don’t have SARS don’t worry. I wonder what the people who got it do in the isolation wards. Then again they’ll be too weak to do anything anyway. To be isolated is one of the worse things that can happen I think. The feeling of loneliness sets in, just eats you up and makes you want to cry. I guess that’s a little of what’s happening now. No where to go, at home most of the day. I miss school, not the lessons but the company. Having a bro who bugs you to play carrom just ain’t enough. Besides there’s no irc to release my crap. I’m so bored that I read my pte chat logs. I feel quite stupid doing it really but it still doesn’t cease to fascinate me. It seems like little short stories. I read through it and realize information that I overlooked. Bits of info that are indications to how things have turned out which I failed to detect. No. I did detect it I just didn’t want to assume. Why did I log my chats anyway? To look back. If only memories could be logged and then played. The clarity of pleasant memories retained in my mind just isn’t good enough. Photographs are probably the next best thing. Yet, I shouldn’t look back and constantly dwell on what has happened, I’ll neglect what is to come. The earth still revolves.
“I’ve realized a great many things since getting here. Among them that… the mouse marathon goes on for u not because u expect to get somewhere, but because as long as you can still run, the wheel keeps spinning beneath your feet and there is assurance in knowing that you are a part of the world and the world is still alive.
The earth is turning beneath my feet too. I don’t know if we’ll ever be together again but I know I love u and I want u to know that too. Whatever you want, I want for you. GO FOR IT! If anybody can, you can. You’ll always be my superstar.”
The mouse marathon-Ovidia Yu
Sometimes situations and things all seem déjà vu to me.
Everything seems to be linked. Just like the passage I read above.
22/3/2003
I had a meeting today. It was rather boring really. I'm really wondering whether i should continue with it. It's not like i do not have the time. It's my time management lah. I should b able to juggle hw, cca, church it's not alot as compared to others. I just wanna stone/slack, it most probably is in my blood. I dun want to b obligated into doing anything. If u tell me i have to do it, i'll most probably give u crap cos i dun want to do it, i'm forced to. When i feel forced into something i would want out. I guess that explains why. Now i have to choose, should i just leave? Drop everything, rethink and den carry on or should i just hold on. Just have faith, it will all work out afterall it always does rite?
He will make a way. Back abt the meeting, after tt we had a little fellowship = makan+talk. Since all of them were adults except 3 other 'younger ones'(me included) and 3 'younger than younger' ones and 1 youngest one. Alright tts rubbish, my point is they were all rather senior and the rest were too young. So during the fellowship i sat wif the other 2 who were my age. I felt kinda left out in their conversation cos they were talking abt their poly stuff, i know nothing about poly lor. So i just sat there listened and smiled. Not that i could reallie get what they were saying. They did ask me about how i was getting along wif jc life but aiya.. who wants to listen to boring jc life if u can't relate to it. So i just summarized the answers and smiled. Then i wondered off. I went to play with the 'youngest' and her balloon. I guess i'm belong to the little ones cos i'm freaking 5 yrs old.(refer to previous post) She just passed me the balloon once den i tossed it back to her. Then the others came along to play with her too. The 'youngest' was more interested in playing with the other 'younger than younger' ones... so the 3 of us where back at where we were. Talking abt poly whilst standing. I just kept quiet n smiled again. Someone there asked me "agl, r u a homebound person?" i was thinking: "wad?!" it came out as "I beg ur pardon". She was asking whether i preferred to be at home cos i give her that impression. I told her "hmm.. when i'm out i wanna go home but when i get home i wanna go out" How's that for an answer? Stupid rite? heh.. i dun care. Maybe i might seem anti-social, I'm not reallie if i'm comfortable with the surroundings. Then she said that i start to sound like another close fren, must b because i hang out too long with her. Hello? I haf always been speaking like tt, just not to you cause the opportunity i have to a decent conversation wif u is at a minimum and sometimes i feel that keeping quiet is what is required. I'm not like her. I don't care what you think of me an anti-social, an idiot.. i dun freaking care.