Contemplations: March 2003

Friday, March 21, 2003

aw!!! you are 5... aw!!!

How old are you *looks around* REALLY?!
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Wednesday, March 19, 2003

I realised today that coincidences are hard to come by. To meet a friend on the street. To meet a friend on the same bus. Today after cca i stayed back for a meeting. After the meeting i wanted to find someone to have lunch with so i called my junior who left an hour ago, with the hope tt maybe they're not done yet and i could go and join them. To my dismay both of them didn't pick up the call so i decided to just head home. My friend who was with me said he could accompany me to eat but i felt bad. Cos he had already taken his lunch, i can't possibly ask him to go there watch me eat. Anyway, while i was crossing the overhead bridge my bus came. I could have made a run for it but i decided aiya... what the heck might as well take my own sweet time. So i boarded the next bus. Lo and behold, I met my jr~ wah.. so happy. She ate already lah... but it's ok at least i got someone to accompany me on the bus. No no.. i shouldn't say 'at least got someone'. It's not just anyone who accompany's me on the bus would make me happy. She just one of those that really perks my day. I was thinking that if i had agreed to eat lunch with my other friend i would have missed her. If i had ran after the bus, i would have missed her. If i had decided to take the train instead, i would have missed her. Just slight alterations in my decisions would change everything. I ended up eating alone at home but the fact that i had experienced 'coincidence' today made me feel lucky!

Monday, March 17, 2003

Blogger hates me bohoo... I uploaded the former and this entry with demoner's help. xie xie ni!
I just came back from Malacca. Tired. I went with my family and friends and we ate, shop, ate, shop. There was actually nothing interesting to buy. I bought a hat, wooden clogs ( to da2 xiao3 ren2 heh)...eh no more liao. The others did the buying i just followed. I was facinated by alot of stuff. I got to see the remains of St paul's church, got to see huge prawns with pincers, my bro insists it's not a lobster. The road trip back from Malacca to JB was exceptionally long 3hrs. My legs got all numb from that particular ride. I wondered how the driver could tahan. The driver had a cassette of hokkien music playing (and i really mean A cassette) throughout the journey. After one of my 2hr naps, I woke up to hear "ai pia zai eh iah", literally translated as 'must pia den will win', *the tune is still ringing in my head* for the fourth time. My mother commented that we should have brought our own cassette, heh, i totally agree. But, trying to figure out the lyrics of the little KTV lounge music occupied me for a while. After futile attempts at it, I switched my attention to the outside surroundings concluding that hokkien music sounds like thai music which explains why i couldn't catch a thing except 'ai pia zai eh iah'.

Some of the many things that caught my attention:
1. The old shop houses: The shop houses were dilapitated and some of the roads were so narrow. It felt like i was in olden Singapore all over again.

2. Floura and fauna: Not much of it. I saw a big rafflesia... painted on one of the tour buses. The place was hot probably because there wasn't enough trees around. I was shocked to see potted bougainvilla's on the expressway. Not shocked by the bougainvilla's lah. shocked by the fact that they are in pots, u know those huge kind which u can store water in, the one tt si ma guang broke to save his fren who fell in? No lah, exaggeration, it's not tt huge.

2. Bilboards and Neon signs: They have huge advertisements at the side of the roads which I don't get to see here. Adverts of tissue papers, petrol, even coconut milk. The coconut milk advert was funny, cos it had smilies printed on it and with the corresponding name of the expression beside and the advertisement ran like this "No matter the mood blah blah coconut milk will be ur choice." or something to that extent. What was difficult for me to accept was that the signs are printed in malay so clinic=klinik, insurance=insurans. I was just not used to the spelling and not being able to read the signs irks me. heh.

3. Road signs: I particularly liked the stripes on the roads. It made the van go bump bump bump.. Oh and there was also the crissy crossy thing which reminded me of waffles painted on the road.
Speed limit was 110 km/j and i was wondering what J stood for till i saw 7-eleven 24 jams. Did i get tt right?
There was this sign which had 9 polka dots in a square, which puzzled me.. anybody know's what it means? My ma guessed that since it's located at the crossroads it's to signal that there're 3 traffic lamps i.e 3 way traffic. -shrugs-

4. License Plates: JET 400, JEW, MAT... etc. Didn't see any JAM, JEM, JOY...

5. Street lamps: There wasn't much of them at some parts of the roads the only light came from that of the vehicles which cast weird shadows.. woo spooky. Drivers would have to be extra careful at night and passengers get better sleep cos it's dark!

6. 4-D results: People actually sold photostated copies of 4-D results on the roads at 3.5cents per copy. Impressed by their creative way of earning money leh.

My focus throughout this trip was what i saw on the road cause that's where i spent most of the time. I noticed alot of new stuff or then again maybe i'm just swakoo..(mt. tortoise) The trip wasn't bad afterall. I kinda enjoyed it...

Posted 3 days ago...
I feel just fine.
After school, I went on a little trip with melissa... We sent hs home!! wow... all the way to her block (UPS as sure as taking it there urself). Actually, melissa was the real postwoman cause after that she sent me to yishun interchange too. We went jalan jalan at northpt. She bought what she wanted and she headed back to school for hockey. Had an interesting chat about many many stuff. Thank ya melissa dear~ =)
Reached home, took a shower. Went online... Read something infuriating from someone's blog. I decline to comment, if not i'll start spewing vulgarities. (I don't normally do tt, i'll go as far as sh*t usually) It's nothing, i shall not let the petty side of me gain control. At times, it is so easy to slime another person, insult their intelligence, belittle their existance in defence. Sure it releases built up tension but at the end of what do i gain from it? High blood pressure? Guilt? Feeling stupid to let something so mundane get to me. No way. I will maintain my peace. =)
It's interesting to read people's blog entries. You never know where someone's link could lead you. I particularly took to interest in the journal of a guy. Same age as me. Studying in a poly. Way inflated ego, "Child Prodigy" as he deems himself. Smart guy from what i gather. Teen with an attitude.
What drew me to the contents of the entry was how different his life was from mine. It also helped that his writing style is somewhat entertaining. He's opinionated, in control, know what he's out to achieve, defiant, confident. Raring to go teen. And i'm just subservient, docile, inert, plain boring. Darn. On the other hand, i do not approve of his splurging on designer wear (underwear if u must), food etc. It doesn't mean that you're rich and can afford it you spend it like water!! But then again, it's his money. I don't give a salad. (Hrmm.. doesn't this remind you of Application Qns? Explain. Evaluate. However. Evaluate.)
Anyway, one of his desires is to migrate. What's wrong with S'pore dude?! I don't get it. Why are so many people scrambling to get out of this little lovely island. I don't object to people leaving because of work, family or health matters. However. I am disappointed at those who leave just because S'pore's not up to their Mt. Everest-high standards? It doesn't mean that when you migrate to some foreign country and speak with a pseudo accent you're a cut above the others. I'm happy with my Singlish. Thank you very much. I don't like it when i hear people comparing, dissing S'pore and putting other countries on sky-high pedestals. Please don't come to me and tell me the grass is greener on the other side. Light green, dark green, bluish green.. It's still green. It's what you make out of your green grass. Do you think moving to another country to get you away from the so called "stifling regimental system of government" and "stressful education system" would solve all your problems? I see it as running away from what you can't handle. Sure, you might have deleted these two areas but other areas of concern would definately crop up. You'd be just escaping from one problem to the next. If you can't make it here, what makes you think you can make it there. Besides, if the 3.4+ million minus 1 people can live with it why can't you? I suggest you learn how to adapt buddy, it's not the system, it's you.
I wasn't planning to get to this but i guess my train of thoughts got side-tracked. This has always been at the back of my mind. Everytime someone comes to tell me "I can't wait to get out of S'pore" i get irritated and feel like blasting their heads off. (woops~ violence) Don't tell me. I don't want to listen! *covers ears*

Wednesday, March 12, 2003

I didn't go to school yesterday. Why? Real tired, woke up late, didn't feel good anyway, so what the heck, might as well meditate at home. I woke up at 7am, Walked around. Did a few sums of math, most answers wrong, bth, went to sleep. Woke up 11, went for lunch with my papa. Came back watched tv till 1pm. Went back to sleep. Woke up 6 plus. Went online. Went offline. Went for dinner. Came back to the tele, pck, heartlanders, moulmein high, with thermochem. Went online,. typed letter. Went offline. Read through chem prac till 1am. Couldn't get to sleep till 2+.

Went to school today, I feel much much better than the past few weeks. It's just one day. But I missed school. I missed all my friends. It's great to be back again. I hope this feeling holds. Perhaps the break for me to sleep it all off was what i needed. I really do appreciate all the smses i recieved asking how i was doing. Just one of the little things that make me wanna give all of you a big hug. (cf. lisa's blog on huggles) =0)

Tuesday, March 11, 2003

Mary Says- Lee Hom
How long has it been since i held ur hand?
How long will it be till i haf u right here.
You say that it hurts, i can't disagree.
But how can i hold on to someone who's leaving me?

Chorus:
And mary says she's gonna b ok.
She tells me things are getting busier these days
And mary says she's gonna b alright.
You know how much i need her in my life
Goodbye yesterday, i see my dreams walking away.
And mary looks just like she did b4 as if she don't love me. Don't love me anymore.

I could shake your hand or i could kiss you goodbye.
But i just might break down looking in your brown eyes.
So what happens next? Do i listen to my mind or heart?
I don't know where to start feeling alright again.

Chorus

And mary says she's gonna b ok.
She tells me things will be much easier some day.
And mary says she's gonna b alright.
You know how much i'm missing her deep inside.
And mary says she's gonna b ok. (she tells me things are getting busier each day, and mary says shes gonna b..)
She's gonna be alright. She's gonna be alright.

The song is so sad. The chinese one is nice too. I'll slowy convert it to han yu pin yin. But then again listening to it tells me that i'm gonna have a hard time figuring out what he's saying.

Monday, March 10, 2003

Half day, half day, half day... yay~ bah~ I want to go out. I want to go gai-gai. I want to sit on a swing. I want to laugh. I want to sing. I want to sit and stare but i don't want to sit here alone.
I ended up reading a book, "Go Ask Alice". It's a girl's diary, about her struggle with drugs. It's suppose to be a true story. Sh*t. I shouldn't have done that it's depressing. She died of a drug overdose in the end. She wasn't supposed to die. She was getting better, she got back with her family, her bf was back with her, she was finally happy. Now i'm upset. I hate sad endings.
I need my bed again.

I finally found out why. After weeks of mindless guessing and unhappiness. It didn't change anything one bit. I still feel sad but at least i'm not wondering. Is it better to know or not to know? I had to leave last night. I couldn't take it, i needed to leave to find comfort in sleep, to forget in sleep. I waited so long.

Friday, March 07, 2003

I wasn't happy today. I was just counting down till all the lessons were over, so i could go home. Now, I'm home and i feel like going out cos my papa's at home. I just wanna have time away. Away from everything that requires mental stimulation. But there's no where to go. I love my little messy room. If only it was soundproof and without a door.
I felt abit better in the afternoon after recieving an sms. Nothing to it. Just a greeting will do.
I went home wif Lisa... we had a little chat/gossip hehe... *wink* i wonder how tmr's chalet thingie will go. I'm deciding whether to go for mass first den go to the chalet or to go to the chalet and leave early on Sun morn. hmm... I concluded that i'm a worrywort. i'm stressed over nothing. I need my regular dosage of laughter. I hope i get it tmr. I feel like sitting on a swing now. Shucks, they don't have swings there rite? I want to watch the sunrise/sunset. Is it that nice? Maybe i'll take a nice walk along the beach. No no, i'll just sit and watch. Ooohh.... i know, i want to sing!!~

"yue liang zai ni de yan jing, tai yang zai wo xin.
xian zai wo chang zhe shou ge, ooh zhi wei ni.
xiang ba shuo you fan nao dou wang diao, zuo bu zuo de dao.
ni ming bai wo xin zai ran shao ying wei ni, ying wei ni...

ni xin zhong de hua wo quan dou xiang ting, neng bu neng xiang xin.
Suo you de meng li quan dou shi ni, hui bu hui ting xi.
he ni yi qi shi fou bu hui zai fang qi, ni de xin li you mei you mi mi
wo fen bu qing bu yao zai yi.
zhi xiang wei xiang wei ni, xie yi shou ge, xie yi shou ge, dou shi ni..Ooh.

love's in the air it's everywhere, everyone can see, everyone can feel.
That love's in the air, it doesn't matter where. Everyone agrees love is all we need.
When the moon falls in your eyes, i know the sun has set.
The fire still burns within me since the day we met.
I know my heaven would be so complete, you could make it real.
I won't let this chance go by, I can see, I can feel you." - Shunzi

Sometimes i just don't feel like doing stuff... I just want to sit around and stare...
Just now i was playing with my earring and i dropped the backing. It fell onto the sofa and it went into it.( I hope u know wad i mean). Anyway, I frantically, stuck my hands into the gaps between the sofa but i couldn't find it. My bro offered to help me. I was feeling agitated already and so i brushed him away, he'll probably mess things up. I gave up after awhile and went to my room, if it's lost, it's lost. Den my mother called me and told me she found it. I was real happy. It's just an insignificant thing but to have found what's thought was lost is a good feeling. And i had that feeling again when i did what hs adviced me to do. Then again later on seems like it's gone again.
Another thing, when i'm frustrated over something i tend to brush people away, people who want to help. (i.e my bro) I feel bad for doing it, worse thing is i only realise it after i sit down to think. =( Some things you search so hard for and yet u can't find/get. You just let things take their course. If it happens it happens. If it doesn't, so be it. However, if i adopt this attitude it'll b like i don't strive to achieve my goals. =(
Is it all gone? Is it a mirage? An illusion? There never was. You won't forget. I'll have to live with that.

Thank ya demoner for your time. It's just a one-liner which wouldn't really express how i appreciate the conversations but i guess this is all that i can do. Oh yes.. I'm supposed to put down your name like i miss you. That really isn't hard to do.

Wednesday, March 05, 2003

The speech thingie is finally over.... yay!~ Man, my hand was shaking like a leaf. Stella, Yz and Sj said it wasn't obvious. Good. Maybe what i said about "Nervousness shows only 1/10th of wad you're really feeling" was true. I really felt very touched by everyone of the wishes and encouragement that the class gave me. Even the simplest question on how it went showed that you all cared.The suggestions on what topics to speak about and on how to go about presenting it was really helpful. Oh yes.. special thanks to charmiane maine maine... thank you for a sample of your speech. I truly feel blessed with all you pple!~

Another thing settled, another one coming up... Track and Field Meet organising is no simple task. We were supposed to meet just now when i was having the speech thing, but i sms-ed one of them and found out that only 3 people where there. I asked what they did, she told me they just stared at each other. Great. I asked when is the next meeting, she said it's not settled. The schedule for hits have to be out by next week and everything is not settled?? Dang. I forsee dark clouds approaching. Did i mention i have no idea whatsoever of how a sports meet is carried out? And i have no idea what events are gonna take place. Hooray... Worse case senario: During the meet we might all be waving little flags, cheering the people on in a potato sack race. Then again, i would feel that looking at people hobble around in gunny sacks is more entertaining than them performing circular motion round the track. Each is entitled to his own opinion, so please don't attack me with a baton.

Things are still not settled for me. It's there at the back of my mind. I'm still clueless. I have yet to find an answer. Perhaps i never will. Or just maybe i'll end up like a raft in the unknown ocean- drift.

Monday, March 03, 2003

ni jiao wo zhe me neng bu sheng qi ne? qi shi bu sheng qi, zi shi shang xin. deng dai shi bu hao shou de. wo she me dou bu zhi dao. she me dou bu ming bai. ni yao wo xia cai ma? ni zhe me bu rang wo bang mang ne? wo shi na yang mei yong ma?

Sunday, March 02, 2003

Take the Purrsonality Quiz!

Saturday, March 01, 2003

I can't sleep argh... My head hurts, my eyes hurt, my nose is stuck. But i still can't sleep. I already tried all ways to get some shut-eye. Stop thinking, stop thinking. Someone please knock me out...