Merry X'mas~!
Went to dot's hse to stay over. We were talked abt alot of stuff, one of which was abt him. N after so long i still can't fight the tears and the overwhelming sadness tt engulfs. Recalling and telling it in chronological order jus brings memories and the emotions back.
Remembering as much as i'd like to let it all out, i didn't want to cos well a slobbering idiot is not a pretty sight. So i repressed as much as i could. My superego's defence. Even if i had to cry no one shld haf to see it. Knowing tt if i started, it would b quite hard to stop.
It's sad to think tt the one who seemed so close, now wouldn't even bother to hold a decent conversation.
The person whom once seemed to care so much, now wouldn't care if u existed or not.
The person u miss will b the one u will neva get to see.
It just hurts.
I haf accepted tt the person i knew is not there anymore, and i guess will never b there for me anymore. N i must constantly remind myself of this fact.
Sometimes when i'm walking alone on the street cynical mind tells me tt being alone is best.
You report to no one but urself. The only pain u will feel would b self inflicted.
N there's no one to blame but urself.
The only and best person to love you is urself. *muacks* I love me!!
Doesn't sound merry at all does it? It's jus 1 aspect of the day.
Don't worry, it was a merry merry merry christmas. =0)
No more Hp 101~! The exam was manageable, did i mention i lurve mcqs? CS courses shld haf more mcqs too. I would say tt this course is rather useful. I've emerged with more insights to human behaviours, emotions, conditioning, mental well-being (skipped tt chpt), mental disorders, mental cognitions, learning theories, memory(in hope of improving mine), different sch's of thought to explain human behaviour (my fav Sigmund Frued), biological brain structure and functions (which compensates for the biology lessons tt i didn't haf a chance to take), psychometic, intelligence testing etc etc. Hopefully i'll learn to become a person wif high EQ. Cos i think i need alot of brushing up on interpersonal relationships.
What's high EQ u say? EQ is Emotional Quotient and it consists of 4 major components of:
1) Ability to percieve, interpret and express emotion appropriately.
2) Using emotions to facilitate thinking.
3) Ability to evaluate and make use of emotional knowlege effectively.
4) Ability to regulate emotions to ensure emotional and intellectual growth.
I honestly dinnoe this b4 Hp101. N did u know tt IQ was calculated as ratio of metal and chronological age x 100? *gasps in amazement*
N well i get to see everybody's favourite plumber! *super mario themesong plays in backgrd*
If KH, Amel and yy reads this they're probably gonna puke and say "stop it lah tabbie!" See! i've even learnt how to predict behaviour, one of the goals of psychology. Go me! Hp101 course testimonial, for all u pple thinking of taking it. Just do it!
Was supposed to watch a movie today but well tian bu ce feng yun.
It's funny how the things i look forward to usually dun happen.
But it's alright, went gai-gai at West mall wif kh den home n dinner wif merv at j8 crys jade den to do summore last min x'mas shopping. Y is everyone like me? Procrastinating, leaving x'mas shopping till the last min vying for my shopping space.
Do you smell x'mas? it's just 2 days away... soon it will b x'mas day.
Get well soon~!
pls let no one b home tmr. thankew veri much.
pls let me arise wif the morning sun. thankew veri much.
pls let me concentrate on wad i'm studying. thankew veri much.
pls let me b like a sponge tmr; absorbent and porous. thankew veri much.
i'm a bipolar disorder sufferer and i want my manic episode badly.
Psycho Examination. And Miss Procrastination does it again.
Pls wish me gd luck everybody, i need it.
Then there's the driving test. It's been 2 mths since i last drove.
Pls wish the pedestrians gd luck on tt day everybody, they need it.
The no. of lettas to draft now stands at 2. -_-
x'mas shopping maybe? nah.
I dun think i even haf time to write x'mas card. sorry guys.
Got my 1st card frm kq n 2nd frm wenyi... aww so sweet!
N i got my *ting-a-ling* hp keychain frm jing... ah i like it sooooo much, especially the li'l bell!
Feeling a little funnie. A little scared. A little mixed up. A little high. What am i feeling? hm...
Feels abit bad of me to always not b available when she needs me...
It's always a case of bad timing too.
It is a gd thing u noe?
Happy 19th birthday yiing yng!~~~
bowling.pool.photohunt.steamboat.
tutorial.planetparadigm.oceans12.yishun81.
I seriously haf no sense of direction. Imagine crossing the road and den taking the underpass tt leads u to the side of the road u jus crossed. tts moi. =)
Today i had hall carolling at Red Cross Society home for the Disabled. It was a new experience. Most of the residents were bedridden and all of them had to b pushed ard in wheelchairs. They were disabled tt they reallie all looked the same and it was impossible to tell the age if not for the date of birth printed on the card infront of their beds. Some of them jus gave blank stares, some shouted, most jus writhed in bed.
We were gave a briefing before we started, we were told tt the purpose was to spread the x'mas joy and wad would b most appreciated were our smiles and not pity. They're blessed wif the sensitivity of being able to tell pple's feelings.
When i first saw them, it was a sudden pang of sadness and helplessness of not knowing wad to do. When we went to the old folks home u could smile and shake their hands and ask them how they were doing and u could get a response no matter how little. But today, i didn't know how to handle the situation cos most of them jus couldn't respond.
A few smiled, gurgled and their faces lit up as when we sang. I dun think they reallie knew wad was going on. But i hope we brought a little joy to them.
I shld b happy tt i haf my health. Tt i can jump. I can walk. I can sing. I can talk.
tt i haf my family. tt i haf my friends.
I wanted to say gdbye to u yesterday.
I wanted to remind u to take care of urself.
I wanted to say i would miss u.
But once again i didn't have the chance.
Weird notion tt came to mind.
I wish tt i have an elder sister, than maybe i can become a bridesmaid. I can't b a flower girl cos i'm too old. So the next best thing to becoming a bride, which is not gonna happen in the near future, is to b a bridesmaid. So all my lovely lady frens, pls get married soon and ask me to b ur bridesmaid. I promise to b extra careful to not thread on the train of ur dress. N i'm gd at holding flowers i won't lose them. So... pick me!! pick me!!
Looks like i've lost alot of pple on the way...
I dunno how to stop u all frm leaving, i haf to learn to accept tt u all do eventually. I do wonder whether i should make the effort of trying to hold on. But why hold on to people who don't feel like staying. Seems like i was right all along. When time passes, situations change. Promises don't reallie count and shldn't b relied on too heavily.
At the end of the day there's nobody left but urself.
But i still stupidly sit n wait. n wait. n wait. For a miracle to happen.
I'm going to hold true to my agreement prbly till end of 2004. Den we'll see how.
Blogger ate up my previous post! bohoo.. i shall attempt to rewrite it. I think it goes like this...
First time clubbing... mambo nite at zouk. Ethnography!~ Opportunity cost: missed out on Sg Idol finals.
Basically the main gist of it was drinking, dancing and squeezing.
I dun understand why people bother to dress up when they go clubbing. Cos it's so dark in there tt either u get illuminated if u wear white, due to the UV-lighting, or u look black if u wear anyother colour. To me, everyone was wearing either black or white. I wonder how yy spots all the shuai ges, cos honestly i can't see anyone's face unless the person is abt a metre away frm my face.
Saw a few of my sec sch friends... my my do they look gd. I thought i saw my cuz too but u know under tt lighting i cannot b too sure. =X
The four of us shared 2 jugs of vodka coke, 2 bottles of barcardi lime and a tequila shot each. I still dun like the taste of vodka coke, barcardi lime was yummy and as for the tequila shot i preferred the lemon and the rim of salt on the glass. Someone got drunk. No, unfortunately it wasn't me. Not tt i'd really dig the hangover or the splitting headache but it's just tt it wouldn't b one additional experience in life. And besides it would haf been interesting to hear what rubbish i spew if eva that happened. My drunk fren in her drunken stupor actuallie said something tt caught my attention, abt when u're drunk u blurt out wateva unhappiness u haf inside and it would feel better. Tt sounds tempting, budden a danger to this would b u'd b telling gdness-knows-who, gdness-knows-what. I would b the last person to get drunk cos i dun like the taste of alcohol nor the warm feeling it induces.
I enjoyed singing to the music and the dancing most of all. However, the music at Phuture is betta than tt of zouk. Zouk played more retro stuff and phuture the 'groovy' tunes, the down side was Phuture was
super squeezy. And of cos i was entertained by the people who did the weird dance at the podium. You know the one where they did the action of the words of the lyrics. Eg. wheneva the words 'square room' came up, the people will do a square form wif their hands. Hilarious man. I heard these pple come every weds. Maybe i'm just not tt artistically inclined to appreciate this dance.
It gets kinda sick if you picture the image of people dancing or shld i say gyrating at such close proximity and when u see intoxicated people vomitting or lying motionless on the floor.
I conclude tt clubbing is a 'high impact sport'. I got stepped on by heels/shoes, jabbed by elbows, got pushed and shoved, blinded by flashing lights and breathed in 2nd-hand smoke. Walking in heels killed my feet not to mention dancing in them.
At the end of the day, i'd say if u're in for the booze, the atmosphere and u love skin-2-skin contact, clubbing is for u. If u just like singing and dancing to the music, blasting ur mp3s and hopping ard wildly in the comfort of your own room would suffice. Add a few friends who share the same idiosyncracies to complete the picture. Know what's the best part? It's free! Don't spend money, save save save. My new motto for now. I bought another top tt day. I doubt i'll wear it anytime soon too.-_- In the words of Amel, "kill me now". Sponsors warmly welcomed.
Rewriting actuallie turned out betta. Nice.
Oh ya, Paul van dyke a famous DJ is pronounced as Poo-ul-von-dook. How cool is tt? All along i thought it was paul-van-dyk. Read it in the papers (or was it 8 days?). Not tt it would b useful in anyway i'm sure some of u would haf already known this. jus tt the name kept popping up in my sight recently. Is it a sign tt i would become as famous a DJ as him?! crapping liao.
"It's beginning to look alot like x'mas..." tune playing frm charm's blog.
Joke frm mario, not the plumber but psycho tcher who looks freaking young for a 30 yr old: Mind over matter. If u don't mind it doesn't matter.
Exactly 1 week left.