i've decided to 'jus do it'.
everyday u help me live bit by bit...no matter how bad things got, u were always there for me.u listened, n u answered. how can i feel sad for myself?ur will be done.Things will wrk out, in ur time.
It's jus not there. As much as i try to pretend, it's still doesn't materialise. N it gets tiring to put in effort just to enjoy myself.
This is a good thing, it just tells me that it's not any other person tt would suffice.
I've been thinking... maybe i wasn't really happy then. hmm.
Mr doctor-to-be asked me today "What do u envision urself to be(in the future)?"
"A hsewife".
"oh, for ur posterity."
Muahahah... when posed such a interview-like qns i can't help but give the truth, the whole truth and nth but the truth. so help me God.
twiddledum...
Never got the see the bride n groom, just the biriyani and rendang. Mm i like. N the pulu hitam is yummilicious.
I think they their extended family is really really huge.
My father said tt next time i gotta pay pple to come as guests. hurhur.
N i ate alot today at me grandma's crib (wahaha...), gorged myself with curry chicken, otak, sausages, jelly, icecream cake...
If it's written, it's written. just to get it out of the system. Hopefully it just passes.
Don't read too much into it. It's nth.
I wasted 2 days. or i should think of it as i rested for 2 days.
It's all in the mind. My mind...
He said to have faith.
Time to run again.
I love happy endings... even if they're not mine.
but these happy endings somehow make me sad. N makes me feel like crap."somedays i hate everything. everyone and everything. Pls don't tell me everything is wonderful now. Pls don't tell me everything is wonderful now."Warm fuzzy feeling is gone.
maybe going to a wedding would do the trick.
"when u come home baby. i knoe somehow tt ur eyes have gone astray."
that gaze, broke my heart."n how i cried n tried n tried to make u stay with me, but still u said tt love was gone n i had to leave..."those words. "is it all tt great without me? I really want to know, was it easy to forget me?
cause ur eyes r saying no. did u find a broken rainbow with an empty pot of gold.
If it's all tt great without me. Then i'm glad u let me go.
I don't mean to sound so vengeful, or to hit u when u're down.
but u took my house of dreams n burnt it to the ground. n now u say u're really sorry, well there's really nice to hear. but where were u when everything we had got up n disappeared?"Tried to let it go by rationalising my way through. crappy songs.
but i still can't help it."nan dao ni hai mei kan dao zhen ge tian man man hui diao.
ni shuo de wo dou zuo dao jiu chu le ba ni gei wang diao.
nan dao ni hai mei ting dao wo de xin man man sui liao
lian dian hua wo dou shan diao
ke shi ni de xiao zhe me qing chu diao?
wang ye wang bu diao.""all i know is tt i'm lost without u, i'm not gonna lie. How am i gonna be strong without u i need u by my side. if we never say we'll never be together in the end you wave gdbye. dunno wad i'd do. I'm lost without u.""I close my eyes when it gets too sad, I think bad thots tt i know are bad. Close my eyes and I count to ten, hope it's over when i open them. I want the things i had b4...I wish i could count to ten, make everything be wonderful again." nth will be wonderful, stop asking me to cheer up.
Why do they use 'one and only one', 'if and only if' when they can just say 'only one' or 'only if'. And what's up with 'over and above'? Should'nt over be above?
I didn't know calculators had so many functions. Did u knoe tt the little b stands for binary and the O octagonal?
Feeling happier these few days. I watched the fluffy clouds go by... "n i think to myself, what a wonderful world."
Papers.
Everyone hates me cos i haf lesser papers. great.
I'm not fickle. I jus like to think tt I to go with the flow.
I'm ok with planning for something, but at any pt of time when I feel like doing something else which would totally wreck my plan, I'd like to do it. I like the sponteneity. N i'd like to say i shld do wat i like to do, and not have to be accountable for everything i said I'd do 5 mins ago but did not.
teehee. I think i'm paranoid.
I can only laugh things off.
I wanna go visit vivocity and watch a movie at the new GV, best if it's something funny.
I wanna finish goong.
I wanna do something new.
meet someone new.
This must be some kind of cruel joke...
knowing tt i would keep it, even though it's trash. knowing that I would wait, just because of a "cya later".I'm not gonna fall for it, no matter how much I want to.
This must be a test.
I accept.
Because you said I shld. I truly believe in it, but it's the hardest thing I have to do. One baby step at a time.
One page at a time.
One memory at a time.
One hurdle at a time.
"when i need u, u're almost here. n i knoe tt's not enough. N when i'm with you, I'm close to tears. cos u're only almost here."
Thanks to mervin I'm home. wee... car rides at night, are a few of my fav things. *sings*
I'm thinking maybe I shld do it.
Once in my lifetime at least, just for the fun of it. To fulfill my deepest darkest fantasy. =x
Not exactly deep, not exactly dark, but quite a fantasy... But when i imagine the pracs, the sourcing for a minus-one and the jitterbugs. -.-" so mahfan. Quite put off by it. If only i could play the guitar or piano then it will be half the "mahfan" battle won. Or I could have someone to play the guitar or piano. Now tt is an idea. hah... meanwhile fantasize.
Tell me it's a good thing.Tell me I'm on right track. Tell me... when will you come to me? when will I see you? I'm waiting.
I shouldn't have read tt but sometimes curiousity gets the better of me n i still do it anyway.
Now's the time to put all my heart and mind and soul into my fav spss/stats books, but I can't seem to concentrate. Because my mind keeps wondering away.
Flashbacks? Not so drama. But something to that extent.
Somethings jus shldn't be said...
Desperado - EaglesDesperado, why don't you come to your senses
You've been out ridin' fences, for so long now.
Ohh you're a hard one.
I know that you've got your reasons.
These things that are pleasin' you
Can hurt you somehow.
Don't you draw the queen of diamonds boy
She'll beat you if she's able.
You know the queen of hearts is always your best bet.
Now it seems to me, some fine things
Have been laid upon your table.
But you only want the ones
That you can't get.
Desperado, Ohhhh you aint getting no younger.
Your pain and your hunger, they're driving you home.
And freedom, ohh freedom.
Well that's just some people talking.
Your prison is walking through this world all alone.
Don't your feet get cold in the winter time?
The sky won't snow and the sun won't shine.
It's hard to tell the night time from the day.
And you're losing all your highs and lows,
aint it funny how the feeling goes away...
Desperado, Why don't you come to your senses?
Climb down from your fences, open the gate.
It may be rainin', but there's a rainbow above you.
You better let somebody love you.
You better let somebody love you...ohhh..before it's too... late.
sigh...
"I remember falling down
Into a ball of aching sorrow
But there were no tears.
I remember laughing
Till my jaws ached
But there was no joy
I remember a clarity afterwards
And it all made sense
But it means nothing.
I look ahead now, I remember no more."
Now own up, who put this in my Received Files. I really don't know whose is this, whoeva it belongs to it's pretty gd. But i'd change the last line to "And yet, I still remember it all too clearly."
I don't mean to go missing. But I'm getting so used to the idea of not reporting to anyone that sometimes it jus slips my mind. I wonder if one day i really go missing everyone will prbly think i'm doing prj. N no one will find my lifeless body at the side of a seluded side walk till I stink and people complain because of the unbearable smell. horrors of horror. Muahahhaa.
I think up weird things when I haf to walk back alone.
Find me please.
I conclude that CS people don't eat. don't sleep. and don't go home. hooray. Proud to be here.
The fragrance of the apple is kinda therapeutic but it brings a growl to me tummy.
Deadlines & datelines.
I wanna be a molecule, but being an atom ain't tt bad.