Friday, September 04, 2009
Trying to scramble outta my little shell. Somehow i got lost.I think it went down hill when I lost all remnants of my confidence and perhaps a little of my sanity. The thought of standing infront of a moving vehicle to avoid my circumstance did cross my mind.
The notion that there's no way out of my circumstances was so overpowering. And a big blow came when I felt that even my Lord has forsaken me.
I cannot confidently say I'm out but at least i feel alive. For starters, I feel irritation now, whereas in the past, majority of the time the feeling was of constant sorrow. Everything let to despondent thinking. The good thing was nothing could faze me, simply because there was nothing that could arouse my interest. No happiness, no anger, no excitement. I didn't feel like doing anything, i didn't feel like going anywhere, which would explain my disappearance on practically everyone's map. And my lost of personality and objective in life.
Perhaps i may slip again and each time will be tougher for me to get out. But for now, while i am still in ctrl i can document what I went through and hopefully reading back would allow me to get out of it.
Everything you do and say will affect The Lives of Others.
I must rant that the stupid stereotype that administrative ppl have it easy and are not impt is for starters discriminatory and shows ignorance. I don't know how hard it is for you and you don't know how hard it is for me. So unless u've done my exact scope of work dun give me shit abt it being easy.
Feels nice to say 'shit' again.
Labels: baiganjiaoji