Sunday, May 28, 2006

I went to her funeral mass today.
Though I didn't know her well, I guess she wouldn't even have remembered my name.
But what matters is that I was glad I was there to learn about life.

Her friends wrote a song for her and sang it.
It was a really good song.
I could'nt help tearing.
She had so much support from her family and friends.
She said she was blessed. She is.

The Lord is my shepherd, there is nothing I shall want.

The last lesson in life is to forgive he says, to let go of all hatred.

My peace I give unto you,
It's the peace that the world cannot give.
It's the peace that the world cannot understand.
Peace to love, peace to live.
My peace I give unto you.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Argh! I killed it! After a month plus of neglect. I kept reminding myself to charge it. Shit. shit shit shit shit shit.
But maybe I didn't forget, I just tried to shove it aside.
I tried to revive it. But just like many things, it can't be revived.
Now everything is wiped clean, all the files! *screams at self*
That's how you take care of your things. Serve u right.
And I haf the option of returning it.
Great.

I'm sorry. =`(
I seem to have many things to apologize about.

"I need you."

tts y it hurts so bad.
I understand now.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

I ate the best chicken rice balls, assam laksa, gula melaka covered chendol...
I think yesterday was the day I ate the most in a long long long long time.
And I shopped!

Malacca...
Although there's nothing really much to see.
Gotta love it.

I enjoyed the really long bus ride. I've always enjoyed bus rides. It gave me alot of time to think.
I've made my decision... I think.

Best of all I enjoyed time with you. =)

Saturday, May 20, 2006

Serendipity.

These kind of chance meetings remind me that we're meant to cross paths no matter the duration, no matter the circumstances that lead to the present state of things.

It did stir a wee bit of memories and feelings.
We were too impetuous.

But looking back, i liked being impetuous. muhahaha.
It means I don't regret whatever I did in the past.

Maybe this is meant to remind me of how i managed then, and how to manage now.

To just look forward and smile.
Smile at me. =)

Thursday, May 18, 2006

tomato head feels like its brain is squishy like a putty.
tomato head does not like it when it's unhappy,
but it doesn't like it when others' are unhappy too.
It becomes a dilemma of sorts.
Tomato head feels at fault all the time, and it's miserable.

tomato head decides to try its best to keep it in, if it makes everyone happy.
tomato head likes chilli sauce alot.
But, because tomato is but a tomato, and it should find some ketchup instead.
And tomato head being a tomato, can only roll along and it can't take giant leaps towards it's destination.
So tomato head needs time and a little more egging on.

Dog says tomato head is stupid, tomato head resents tt but deep down it knows too.
"Don't mix with onions." dog says, "They stink. chilli's not your flavour either."

"But we're all veggies aren't we?", replies tomato head.

"Yes. But they leave a bad after taste don't they?", retorts dog.

That's why all veggies are stupid and the stupidest of them all is the tomato. And tt is also y dogs don't eat veggies. The End.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

What would you have done if you were in my shoes.
How would you react?
How am I supposed to react?
I really had the urge to stand up and leave.
But I felt that I would have let down alot of people. So i endured.
Please tell me, I would like to know, am i wrong to feel this way?

It's the sinking feeling that's so hard to take.

I never did understand that expression, never did relate to it till this period.

How can I let my guard down, when i see things hurt me so.
Abit disillusioned by the concept of friends.
Friends who decide don't want to be your friend anymore.
And friends who make you feel sad.

Sounds so pri sch, "I don't friend you liao." and I neva speak to you again.
But it happens.

My right eye twitched today you know...
Believing in superstition.
I'd believe anything now if it can make me happier.

I'm trying hard, am I doing it right? Pls give me a sign.

Monday, May 15, 2006

I have never had the courage to say this in her face, not yet anyway...
I don't know why but it just hasn't been my practice to say it out loud.
But i'd really like to tell her...

Thank you mom.
I love you. =)

Saturday, May 13, 2006

I've decided that I would not be ignored.
And I would not let anyone belittle my self worth.

N it wasn't real silver after all
just like the many things that weren't real.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

It rained on me twice today.

I tried to go jogging... After 1.5 rounds, big wet drops started falling from the sky. And I had to do a U-turn and run frantically down the hill. When I reached the bottom, it stopped raining. har dee har har.
I was too lazy to go up the hill again so i went home. Climbed a different hill, a 13-storey hill, more tiring than i expected it to be.

Later got off at Someset, and yes it rained. No correction, it poured. The water was ankle deep. I was happy I didn't choose to go Orchard to get the drinks and cakes. I'll die lugging them in the rain, not to mention the uncovered distance i would have to walk through. N the 2nd thing I was happy about, was that I had my faithful brolly in my bag. No matter rain or shine, you're always with me! everybody go aww...
The weather was scary I tell you, it had lightning and thunder to boot. But the show must go on. Folding up my jeans I took the first step out into the rain.

The first thing tt came into my mind was, 'Shit. I'm wearing my not non-slip-proof slippers.' So I had to walk like a geisha so that i don't slip, fall, smash the cake, wet my pants, embarrass myself. Although I must say walking like a freaking geisha is embarrassing enuff, imagine everyone running from the rain and you taking itsy bitsy steps. Get my drift? Bad pun.

So, as I was drifting along the 2nd thing tt came into my mind was 'shit. I should have folded my jeans higher.' Even if it means looking like a fisherman it definitely would beat letting my jeans soak up so much water. When I reached my destination the water had seeped all the way up to my knees. I felt like a walking Chromatography experiment, you know the science experiment used to separate dyes by dipping strips of paper into the solution and letting it seep upwards. Ya, tt was me. Life sized experiment. In the end i did 'wet-my pants' without having to fall down. bleah.

I was waiting under the shelter waiting for the traffic light to turn green. And as i was doing my geisha walk, i was too slow to reach the traffic light b4 it turned red. so paiseh, had to 'shashay' to a nearer shelter to wait for it to turn green again whilst pretending I intended to do that.

The nice place had their air-con blaring, so my legs were freezing throughout the nite. The hand dryer in the toilet was too high up for it to reach my legs, or was it me that was too short. Y do they put hand dryers so high? y? y? y?

I should have travelled a further to NTU so that i could have taken the cab with them. Made the wrong move again.

Monday, May 08, 2006

Guess what...

My eye twitched slightly today! The impt thing is it's the left eye! weeeee........
Does that mean that I'm gonna get lucky anytime soon? muahaha. Nutter.

Hee... =)

Friday, May 05, 2006

Many qns been popping into my head during this period...
For today it goes like this..

"Now tt my heart is broken? who mends it?"
And from somewhere a teensy little voice says...
"only you of course."

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Jus the other day, I witnessed upclose an election rally. Not thru the tv, not by looking at photos from the papers. Me standing in the mud getting my feet all soaked watching candidates railing on and on abt how the other party sucked.
I didn't quite buy what they were saying but it was quite interesting nonetheless...I won't be able to experience such rallies within the next 5 years so this would be a good experience.

Not really into politics but I guess it's a good thing to learn about because it would concern my life in the future.

I reckon the only way I can get a grip of myself is to have more control of my life.
I'm trying...