Hey, I'm still alive! know y? cos the speech thing is next week argh. Great i have more time too think. This morning, Mr Wee approached me about it and gave me alot of pointers on how to do it. i'm still clueless, but i've got abit of ideas as to how it might make it interesting. He even offered to go through it with me. I'm real grateful, yet now i feel kinda pressurized by it. Cos now i'd have to make it 'presentable' I can't possibly graft a script on toilet paper and pass it to him. It also has to have abit of so called standard. Y? cos he's my GP tcher that's y! Now i have a earlier deadline to complete it cos he asked me when i'm gonna finish it and i said by this week. I'm such an idiot. Grr...
i'm really exhausted from today's relay runs, 8x50m, 4x400m, 4x100m. i just felt like puking after the 4x400m run... The girls didn't come in tops in any event, but at least we had the spirit!! yeah~ Unlike the guys.... i shall not elaborate heh. Anyway, the guys were pretty fast runners and the girls were not bad too. Impressive i must say.
Lunch period now, gonna have chinese later.. We're gonna watch a movie! I hope it's interesting. Someone commented yesterday: "huh? must be some China movie again." Aiya. it's always movies from China mah... that's where we learn the correct pronunciation and usage rite? heh. Worse comes to worse.. sleep lor. I don't feel like going home, cos i'd sleep, did i mention i slept at 8pm till this morning. Waste of my time. I don't feel like going to tutorials cos i want to sleep. I don't want to do my tutorials cos they make me want to sleep. Everything revolves the word sleep. Zzzz... I haven't been sleeping well, been sleeping long but not well. I want good dreams!!! gotta scram.. tata~
Darn i'm stressed. Who could know that writing a speech on 'anything' could be so stressful. Don't give me anything, don't make me choose. Don't make me write! It's tmr and i've written nil, zero, kosong. Argh... A big thank u to everyone who has helped me think of ideas... lemme see there was sj, hs, lisa, stef, weiding, mervin, melissa, demoner, clarence, liangy, my savage... i practically asked everyone i meet but still no clue. Ah!... i plan to not touch on anything relating to war, politics, newater, descrimination, pollution, elderly rights... yada yada yada. I'm just fussy right. *toot*. Somebody save me! I dunno, I dunno. Speak about something that's close to my heart, something that interests me. what what??? This reminds me... the inspirational speech on happiness gave me a few pointers...( Wow, I actually took notes?!!) here's for all of u who were in slumberland:
-Don't push the blame on others. Don't ask WHY it happened, ask WHAT you can do to change the situation.
-Understand the principles of life. It's never always smooth sailing.
-Excuses Vs Results
-You become your environment
-Goal setting -not what you get, it's what u become.
-Participators get the most fun ( issit?)
-Happiness is a choice. Control over emotions is a choice.
-Happiness is a When, not a How. It's up to you, when you want happiness to set in, you can't say that u'd be happy only if this n this happens.
-(my favourite) One bite @ a time. I really have to practise this, taking things one step at a time.
Lisa sent me an sms the other day and she said something abt treasuring the times spent. It sort of struck me at that point of time as i've seem to forgotten to appreciate what i have. It's not like i've heard this fact for the first time. It's like at that instant i failed to remember it. I should slow down, think and be grateful. I'll probably be happier then. I should learn to not stress myself. I must regain my "so what" attitude. I didn't finish doing my homework..so what? Math test is on Sat... So what? I haven't written my script.. so what?... so i'm dead.
"Ask for me tmr n you shall find me a grave man" mercutio R&J
Bizarre love triangle - Frente
Everytime I think of you.
I get a shot right through into a bolt of blue
It's no problem of mine, but it's a problem I find
Living a life that I can't leave behind
There's no sense in telling me
The wisdom of a fool won't set you free
But that's the way that it goes and it's what nobody knows
And every day my confusion grows.
CHORUS:
Every time I see you falling
I get down on my knees and pray
I'm waiting for that final moment
You say the words that I can't say
I feel fine and I feel good
I feel like I never should
Whenever I get this way, I just don't know what to say
Why can't we be ourselves like we were yesterday
I'm not sure what this could mean
I don't think you're what you seem
I do admit to myself that if I hurt someone else
Then I'll never see just what we're meant to be
CHORUS (2x)
Thank u for the song demoner~
Oh gosh... this song just makes me tear now. It didn't move me then but it just makes me sad now. Perhaps it's just how snippets of the song relates to what i'm going through. I'm not in the mood for anything today. Listless. But i suppose i covered it up pretty well. "I feel fine and I feel good, I feel like I never should"
Why? "Whenever I get this way, I just don't know what to say".
"I'm not sure what this could mean. I don't think you're what you seem". I guess i'll never be sure. "And every day my confusion grows."
"I'll never see just what we're meant to be."
Survived yet another day. I'm sooo way behind in tutorials-Physics, chem, math. Everytime they go through tutorials I feel guilty and lost. We have yet another Gp essay to write argh. The days have been kinda hard to pass. Guess that's why i'm here blogging, but the funny thing is I neva write about what's bothering me. I just type trivial things to cover up what's been happening around. It's those days where u kinda feel sick of living. Nothing is wrong. I just don't like my life ya. I have so many questions not answered. Why? why? why? why? why? why? I desperately need something to laugh like mad about. Don't you just love the feeling of laughing till my tummy aches? I do. Everytime i sink into that ecstacy, i momentarily forget reality. When was the last time i went 'stark raving mad'? I can't rememeber. It must have been quite a while. Sheeeesh. It's been days. Where r u?
Superstar-Carpenters
Long ago, and oh so far away
I fell in love with you, before the 2nd show.
Your guitar, it sounds so sweet and clear.
But u're not reallie here, it's just the radio
Don't u remember u told me u love me baby.
U said u'd b coming back this way again baby.
baby baby baby baby baby, oh baby
I love you i reallie do.(chorus)
Lonliness is such a sad affair,
and i can't hardly wait to b with u again.
What to say, to make you come again,
come back to me again, and play your sad guitar
*chorus*
I like this song!~ It's so sad, I'm feeling like tt now. It was one of my choice for talentime audition and i heard it again on American Idol. Oh abt talentime, i screwed up. Went off key for both songs, malu sia. heh.. what's new. It's ok, the experience was great and you know what M.A.T.H.S?( yar tts our grp name, melissa, me, sj, xm, stella) We were wonderful! We blended at times n it sounded awesome. It was fun! The practices, I really enjoyed it would be glad to do it again. Anyway, got to go on stage 2 times!! wow~ (not tt i haf neva been on stage) I hate it when i get stage jitters and tremble all the way. Must b calm, must b calm. Everytime i make a speech in public, it'll go ok until i start to wonder to myself whether i'm making sense to everyone. Next my mind goes blank. I can't seem to find the right vocab (not much of it) and my speaking fumbles. yabber jabber. Darn. I still dunno what to speak abt for the speech competition thingie. "Thank you" 01 for saboing me. I'm damn stressed out. But I will survive, worse comes to worse i'll just yabber jabber ya?
Valentine's day cum Frienship day was good. It felt alot like st nick's. With little tokens of appreciation passed among frens and balloons all about, it had warmth in it. Thank you for all the gifts sweeties~ I really appreciate it.
I spent my valentine's day with my physics notes. Who's bright idea was it to schedule the test today anyway. tsk tsk. The extra chem lessons was cancelled last min. hooray! but so what? I went home to zzz... What happened during last yrs valentine's day? No recollection whatsoever. Didn't seem like there was any.
Physics test was atrocious. Skip skip skip skip... "U haf 5 more mins" huh?! I haven't even looked at the last section. I shldn't have woken up at 5 to study for it. argh. What's done is done. I'll skip it. We skipped math peer tutorial for breakfast at macs. 8 of us where there, just nice 4 guys sitting oppo us 4 girls. Our class guys are hilarious. Then again, i think majority of guys r hilarious. The conversations they have are light-hearted, 'chummy' kind of feel, entirely different from girls. Not that it's better or not good, it's just different. =0)
To be honest. I haven't been entirely honest about what i type here. No not tt i lie abt stuff. It's just tt I didn't type whole situations and how i really feel about them. I just can't do it. Maybe i dunno what i really feel. There are things that i guess i shouldn't shout out loud in fear of stepping on anyone's tail. Or perhaps what i say would just depict how insensitive n naive my perception on things are. I hate it when i percieve something to b in one way and realise that the truth is the total opposite of my initial outlook. I feel like a failure for not realising things for what they are in the first place. Oh well.. this is getting rather long. Till the next surge of inspiration~
I'm bored... no bored is not the word. I don't know the appropriate word to describe this feeling. I never know the approriate words this is not new. I'm not supposed to be here, I should be studying argh!! Study study study.Why is it always the 'S' word? I know, everytime i fill in a form i would write 'student' under the column about occupational status... so what?! Does that mean i have to look out for a husband cos i fill in 'single' under marriage status. Utter crap. I am like a vaccuum cleaner.
To have and yet not be contented. To experience and yet not to feel. To hold and yet not to cherish. To hear and yet not to listen. To see and yet not to understand. To miss and yet not to express. To be present and yet not to accept. I think it's just me.
http://www.justsnaps.com/cgibin/p2img.fcgi?action=1&album_id=67&photo_id=281&image
X-ctry photos... 01/02 and some others. Taken by kel~ Enjoy~
Happy new yr to everyone!!!~ I went vising today. A temple, to pay respects to my uncle and ah ma, and also to my uncle's place. As I looked at my ah ma's photo on the tablet I realised I can't really remember her. All i know is that she took care of me when i was young, she called me 'moi yang'(chi name in dialect) and i called her mah mah. I have photos of us going to the zoo when i was hmm... 5? but all of wad i can remember of it is that i insisted on holding her brolly and climbing up the gentle slope with it. I still had the brolly when i was pri however i think it's thrown away and it wasn't the same one. haha. I remember her house, I remember the porridge she used to cook(watery...typical teochew moey), I remember the funeral. I cried on the way there cause my cousins were crying and it made me sad. I was too young to understand, too young to remember. What a waste, not being able treasure those moments. Some people pass you by just like that. =/
It's the 2nd day. What is this nagging feeling? Of something not completed? I feel rather sad now. I miss him. sheeesh. I told him not to call if he can't but i want him to. stupid me. heh. I recieved an sms, I guess it's good enough... bah.. it's not.. I feel worse. I think i'll just go to sleep.