Saturday, October 27, 2007

ew.
I dunno how i'm gonna survive.
Survive the negativity.

am very not happy.

"So it's intuition for u"
I can almost hear the thot bubbles read "what a dumbass".
Behave to fit the opinion, I am the perfect example of demand characteristics.

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Monday, October 22, 2007

Rainy day spoils plans.

Plans saved by superhero.

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Monday, October 15, 2007

Busy.
being busy is a good thing.

So is being free.

Accidently falling asleep while reading, just means i get more sleep. Doesn't mean i lose time.
I keep repeating that to myself and hopefully it'll sink in.

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Thursday, October 11, 2007

Weird weird feeling of happiness.
...of not having to walk home myself.
...of closure to the day.
...of chance coincidences.
...of just that feeling.

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Tuesday, October 09, 2007

I do feel abit empty at times. A big change to break away from that life.
need to do something more to replace that.

I stared at the sky from the train on my way to school and I never noticed how big and blue it was. And i wondered whether anyone is thinking abt the sky, just as i was.
I'm but a speck in this wide universe.

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Thursday, October 04, 2007

I think i've been less than accomodating. I jus cannot put up with any more pretence. Especially when i feel like a sounding board more than anything else. Everything i say, carries no weight unless it's in accordance with opinions you want affirmation for.

As much as i know that it is a much needed process to go through, I just don't think i can go through that "monologue". Now i know how i treated everyone around me and I feel guilty.

I couldn't sleep a few nights ago.
Suddenly the image replayed in my head. The vivid scene of me stumbling upon something i shldn't have seen. At that pt of time i didn't know what to do. I wanted to hide myself on one hand because i felt like i don't belong there, the other, so as to avoid looking at it further, I wanted to run home to bury myself in my blanket. And yet a sick urge to force myself to go through with it, so that the knife that was stabbed into me can be further twisted. I needed jus that bit of extra to finish me off, to kill all hope. To convince myself that yes, It's time to hate the world now.

I never got that knife twisting effect cos i saw nth to that extent.
But boy did my heart bleed.

Perhaps it was a blessing. Somehow I did all the right things, to keep myself afloat because i dunno what i'd become if i let myself sink.

To force myself.
I need a push.
I lost alot of that resilience.

If there's no more hope... I don't knoe what i'll do.

So what if it doesn't work out?

Then you'll have something to paint abt.

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