My jam-packed week recalled, thanks to yy!~
Mon: 1st Lect -> 1st tutorial -> hall choir -> Co prac ->199 route jog cum wild singing *winks to yy* -> supper (bbq wings became fried wings) -> long walk back 2 hall wif rmmie + yy
Tues: Co perfomance at pan pac -> ktv wif co peeps -> supper
Weds: The incredibles!! -> hall choir -> slept like a pig
Thurs: Lect -> shopping wif rmmie, emelia, yy. We planned to start at Far East walk shop all the way to Ps den head to bugis. But we only managed to finish wif Far East skip all the shopping centres in b/w den to Ps. So we've decided we'll haf Part II Orchard shopping next time. -> stayed over at emelia + yy's place. All in all i bought 2 tops n a shoe, amazing. I'm not one to shop, window shop maybe. They enleashed the evil shopper in me!
Fri: Tutorial -> shopping at JP wif yy where i succumbed to temptation n bought the white shoe!! luckily i din buy the white top. But the shoes reallie nice! even my mum wants to buy it. =P Oh.. we were supposed to go to the pasar malam, guessed we forgot and also ran out of time. Hmm... could go next week! I love pasar malams, for reasons i haf yet to fathom.
Sat: church -> gai gai at orchard to see the xmas lights. The lights weren't spectacular, saw more pple than i saw lights. Y does everyone look so gd i wonder. Walked frm orchard mrt to Ps den back to orchard tower to haf an "educational tour" if u know wad i mean, saw nth much though. Ate the orh-lua at glutton sq, yum yum yum! 2 thumbs + 2 big toes up.
Sun: Lunch wif dot -> T4 bbq! yay~ i can't wait.
Let's hope next week is a blast.
i couldn't sleep the whole of last nite, too many thoughts running through my head. Just tossed n turned.
I went down to the hill to run ard 630am. Buy 4D pple... i haven't ran since... nvm. Couldn't even manage 2 rounds n got dizzy. It's the kind of feeling where ur sight gets blurry n dark and the more u draw in air the more compressed ur lungs feel. N it crossed my mind tt maybe this is wad pple at the brink of death feel like. Trying hard to draw their last few breaths as darkness engulfs, it would b so much easier to stop fighting to inhale and just let go. I wonder what gifs them the willpower to hang on. Is it because they can't bare to leave the pple behind? Is it cos they want to at least say 'bye'? Is it unaccomplished dreams?
Honestly, at this pt of time there's no one i can't bare to leave. Not my family, not my frens, not anyone. Cos it won't make much of a difference to anyone. I want to say bye to everyone b4 i go though, seems contradictory to the abv. N there is no unaccomplished dream cos there's no dream to begin with.
Den again, it's just thoughts. When it reallie happens it's a different thing all together.
Which brings me to one of the many thoughts tt i was pondering. Why is it tt i've no dreams? No drive. Y y y?
Why haf i turned out to become who i am? Even if i'm a hip-hop street punk wanna b, i'm still considered to haf an identity. Even if i'm a poseur, my identity is a poseur. So wad am i?
Up till this pt of time i am still in search of my identity. Abit late rite? Nearing the big 21 soon n still like a clueless teen.
It's not wad u feel abt the outside, it's wad u feel abt urself on the inside.
Den i went for mass at 745. The only place where i want to n can b alone n yet not feel lonely.
Journey-Angela
It's a long long journey, till i know where i'm supposed to be
It's a long long journey, and i dunno if can believe
when shadows fall and block my eyes
i am lost n know tt i must hide
It's a long long journey, till i find my way home to you.
Many days i spend drifting off through empty shores
wondering what's my purpose,
wondering how to make me strong
I knoe i will falter, i will cry
I knoe you'll b standing by my side
It's a long long journey n i need to b close to u.
Sometimes it feels no one understands
I dun even know why i do the things i do
when pride builds me up till i can't see my soul
will u break down these walls and pull me through?
Cos it's a long long journey till i feel tt i am worth the price
You paid for me on Calvary beneath those stormy skies
When satan mocks and frens turn to foes
It feels like everything is out to make me lose control
cos it's a long long journey till i find my way home, to you.
oh.. to you.
I'm addicted to hai3 tun2 wan1 lian4 ren2 thanks to Mervin's. *grin*
I love sappy love stories. Pls lend me if u haf any thank u. Tear jerkers most welcomed but happy ending please.
Happy endings r wad i need.
I'm feeling a mixture of excitement n fear for next week when everything starts again.
Cca, perfomance, intersem, hall stuff...
I somehow feel less pressured during exam period, where my only cause for worry was the papers itself. oh crap. u know wad wateva wateva wateva. rereading it makes me feel pathetic.
i didn't know changing a blog template was so fun. It's like learning another language. How'd u all like my oink-oink template? Still can't get my archiving right.. someone help me~
Damn i'm addicted.
I feel sad. =(
Edvard Munch's literary diary on 'The Scream'-
"...I stood there, trembling with fear. And I sensed a great, infinite scream pass through nature."
I feel like tt. There's no apparent reason. Just an apparent fear.
It's over yet there'll b many more hurdles to come...
Life feels kinda empty.
I'm not sad in the day. I just feel like tt at nite. When it's all quiet, dark and calm. When silence is the only noise. Nite is my favourite time of the day...
I neva written so many words in the span of 2hrs in my entire life. Culture shock for de sci student. Plus i neva had to memorise 2hrs of pre-planned exam answers in order to regurgitate them out during the actual paper. N i din haf time to complete the paper. Just spiffy.
The BEST thing is i got a C- for one of my cores n tts doesn't include the component of class participation. It's gonna b pulled down to a D man. How nice, tts 2 C- already.
One paper to go.
It a day where i can't find any suitable tracks in my files to soothe my frustrated soul. sad songs won't do. N energetic songs add to the frustration.
zhan4 zai4 zhe4, yi4 zhi2 wei4 le4 ni3 hui2 lai2
I think i'm taking this voyeur thing a tad bit too far. I found my pri sch crush's blog. muahahha... And i read every single entry. He used to sit beside me in class and when u spend alot of time with a person u will grow accustomed to a person n his ways. I think he still lives a street away frm where i live now. But well... it's some childish pri sch thing, nth to it.
In one of the entries he actually mentioned another pri sch fren, kenneth, who was his best fren and who has his bdae 1 day b4 his. The funnie thing is, when the tcher changed my place, i was made to sit beside kenneth.
Lost contact once we graduated frm pri sch. I wonder how he's doing now.
Back to him, i lost contact wif him during sec sch. Den i saw him in ny 1st 3mths, den in aj after tt and i bumped into him once or twice ard yishun. He's forgotten who i am, but i still remember who he is. I always remember pple who dun remember me. humph.
Anyway, frm wad he writes he's not whom i knew back den, we've all grown up.
Come to think of it... i've met alot of long lost pri sch frens in aj.
There's this yangqin guy who's a yr younger who's also in aj. In pri sch there r two sessions and alternate levels would b in different sessions n since he's a yr younger he was in a different session frm mine. So the only time i saw him was when we performed for the sch's 60th anniversary. N since i was playing liu qin back den it was just beside the yang qin n he was quite gd at it so i noticed him. I think we exchanged a few words while we were waiting to go on stage. i dun realie remember wad we said but it feels surreal recalling it. I was pri 6 n it was my last yr, so well... we all moved on after tt. Den i saw him in aj again. He happened to b my jnr's fren, so when we all happened to meet at yck mrt the other time, he told me i looked very familiar but he couldn't remember where i was frm. At least he recognised me, someone whom i met only a few times remembered me.
10 yrs down the road, i wonder how many of my frens now will remember me. how many of my frens now will still b in contact wif me. whether i would haf made any difference at all in anybody's life.
I realised i shldn't have said wad i said. Just shows how much i didn't know and didn't understand. But then again i wouldn't know if i wasn't told rite? Forget it, i'll just not say it next time den.
Dispel the thoughts... Purge myslf of all hope... wads gone is gone, accept the fact n move on.
Exams. Exams. Exams. Exams. Exams. A tribute to all 5 papers. 4 ur info, 3 down, 2 more to go. 1 day i will b free frm it all. Bah... This is wad boredom does to u, it's not tt i got nth to study u know just tt today is my self-declared holiday after the gruelling CS104 paper. I like to cut myself some slack, alot of slack actuallie. I stayed up till 3am last nite to study, n my rmmie n yy squeezed into a single bed so i could haf my side of the bed to myself cos i was having a paper the next day. *sobs* my rmmie is da best. N yy is so frenly~ *grins*
Anyway i wrote my notes till my favourite blue pen, which i bought frm shan, went out of ink. *cries*
I think i'm getting a sorethroat again, this sucks. Lousy doctor, i neva really did fully recovered frm the so called 'throat infection'. Can u believe tt he didn't even give me lozanges for my sorethroat the last time. Either a) he forgot b) he dinnoe betta c) he sucks. I think it's option C, considering the fact tt i only spent 5 mins in his room before he bid me adieu.
Thing to do after exams: (i love doing this it gifs me something to look forward to)
1. watch 2046 - i think it stopped screening already =(
2. watch sharktales
3. Find someone who hasn't already watched the abv
4.watch tv
5. figure out palmtop- dust accumulation getting out of hand
6. Go shopping
7. figure out html (long overdue)
8. finish knitting
9. Ktv-ing - prvided my throat holds up
Den it's back to books, exams, tutorials... psychology might not b wad it's all hyped up to be.
N den there's CO. sigh. I kinda like my cca-less life.
Oh, i got a call frm jing today~ happie! N jk msged me~ happie! I miss them alot! At least i know tt i'm remembered. =0)
I don't wanna change my nick. I wanna hold on to this feeling as long as possible. Silly me. It's not as if retaining the nick would retain the feeling, tts just me.
Sometimes i do stupid things.
Bleah. I still miss u alot.
i dreamt tt u din care abt me anymore.
When i woke up. It was real.