Sunday, November 21, 2004

i couldn't sleep the whole of last nite, too many thoughts running through my head. Just tossed n turned.
I went down to the hill to run ard 630am. Buy 4D pple... i haven't ran since... nvm. Couldn't even manage 2 rounds n got dizzy. It's the kind of feeling where ur sight gets blurry n dark and the more u draw in air the more compressed ur lungs feel. N it crossed my mind tt maybe this is wad pple at the brink of death feel like. Trying hard to draw their last few breaths as darkness engulfs, it would b so much easier to stop fighting to inhale and just let go. I wonder what gifs them the willpower to hang on. Is it because they can't bare to leave the pple behind? Is it cos they want to at least say 'bye'? Is it unaccomplished dreams?
Honestly, at this pt of time there's no one i can't bare to leave. Not my family, not my frens, not anyone. Cos it won't make much of a difference to anyone. I want to say bye to everyone b4 i go though, seems contradictory to the abv. N there is no unaccomplished dream cos there's no dream to begin with.
Den again, it's just thoughts. When it reallie happens it's a different thing all together.
Which brings me to one of the many thoughts tt i was pondering. Why is it tt i've no dreams? No drive. Y y y?

Why haf i turned out to become who i am? Even if i'm a hip-hop street punk wanna b, i'm still considered to haf an identity. Even if i'm a poseur, my identity is a poseur. So wad am i?
Up till this pt of time i am still in search of my identity. Abit late rite? Nearing the big 21 soon n still like a clueless teen.
It's not wad u feel abt the outside, it's wad u feel abt urself on the inside.

Den i went for mass at 745. The only place where i want to n can b alone n yet not feel lonely.

by tab at 9:29 PM |