First day of wrk. It was ok. My colleagues were nice, the girl who brought me ard was veri frenly. She knew practically everyone; teachers, admin staff, janitor, canteen auntie even some students. Another no. to add to my phonelist.
Let's see what did i do today. I typed a letter, counted 'help fight myopia' leaflets, helped distributed circulars to the classes, highlighted names on a namelist, photocopied, helped put up 'eat healthy' posters in the canteen, printed divider labels, helped to put up timetables at 2 comp labs. Yet i was bored, cos after awhile i had nth to do and everyone else seemed to b busy n it seemed bad not to b having something to do too. After listing the stuff down it seemed like alot but actuallie it's not, it's simple stuff tt can b completed veri quickly and my nice new fren was helping me too. Towards the later part of the day she went up to help at the lib n i was all alone doing nth. Time passes too slowly when u're doing nth, i end up staring at the comp clock counting down to knock-off time. I was told tt when u're busy u're reallie busy, when u've got nth to do u'll b rotting away. Ok so wad would i rather haf? When i'm doing nth (i.e today) i feel abit useless, if everyone's doing nth den tts fine but everyone seems to b up to their neck in wrk 'cept me. I'd rather b doing something, fold paper, cut paper, shred paper OOooh.. they haf a shredder n yes i remembered shred paper today!
Unsure of wad r the things to come but at least the pay is betta n the travelling hrs r way shorter than the previous job. Tmr i start late n end late =`( . I'd rather start early n end early. nvm nvm. It's gonna b an ok day tmr.... i hope.
A few weeks ago my cousin(the one tt i mentioned a long time ago in a previous entry), gave me her blog addie n i've been readin it ever since. Her entries are veri honest and it showed a side of her which i neva got a chance to know. I guess i neva got to know tt side of her cos we dun see each other often n we're not exactly close. The stuff she puts down r quite sad. I feel like someone watching a show and outsider peering into another's life w/o the person knowing. I believe she thinks tt i haven't been following up wif her entries since den(n i dun want to let her know tt i've been keeping up wif it), hence the doesn't hold back on expressing her feelings abt family matters. Den again, even if she knew i was reading she still might not b bothered by it since she was the one tt willingly offered her blog addie to me. She asked for mine but i said i din haf one. Oh man, i lied. But tts where we're different, I dun reallie want relatives or frens to know abt all these, as much as i know having an online diary would mean everyone n anyone would b accessible to it, i could haf made this a pte blog but i didn't. It's contradicting, to not want pple to know n yet not mind if someone stumbles onto it. If no one reads den for me it's no use in writing too, a lil audience is appreciated. Besides, it's not like i haven't given frens this blog address in fact i know quite a few of who r reading this. I dunnoe wad i want reallie. It's gonna b one of those sombre nites again.
Did relief teaching yesterday n today at HM pri. The schedule for both days were the same, first 2 periods of sci in a p5 class den the rest of the day wif a p3 class. I sat in during assembly the first period, felt abit weird to b sitting by the side on a chair while all the kids sat on the floor.
As much as i try to b forgiving, I haf yet to let everything go. I'm trying to suppress the feeling of stupidity n anger. Sometimes i wonder y am i so naive, so dense. Just a fool to b willingly wrapped up in a charade. Stupid. i'm just plain stupid. tt must b it.
well my dear, just wisen up. Forgive n forget, betta still, move on. I know i will not though, not anytime soon.
One day i'll fly away, leave all this to yesterday. Y live frm dream to dream n dread the day when dreaming ends.
Did u'll catch moulin rouge? I watched n loved it again. I love sappy love stories. Reminds me of sec 4 life too, when we used to sing this song. aw...
Come what may- Ewan McGregor & Nicole Kidman
Never knew i could feel like this,
like i've neva seen the sky before.
Wanna vanish inside ur kiss,
everyday i love u more n more.
Listen to my heart can u hear it sings,
telling me to give u everything.
Seasons may change winter to spring,
but i love u until the end of time.
Come what may, come what may
i will love u until my dying day
Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place,
suddenly it moves wif such a perfect grace.
Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste, it all revolves ard u.
And there's no mountain too high no river too wide,
sing out this song n i'll b there by ur side
Storm clouds may gather n storms may collide
But i love u until the end of time.
Come what may, come what may
I will love u, until my dying day.
Oh come what may, come what may
I will love u, until my dying day.
Today's the last day of wrk... as lala said, liberated. My colleague bought me an egg tart as a farewell gift. so sweeet! Tt reallie made my day apart frm the fact tt i was allowed to leave at 1pm today. woopie! Went straight home. On my way saw plenty of couples, i shld haf attempted to count them. how nice.
I remember last valentine's day was spent taking a physics test. Remember guys? hm ha ho hum. compromised on my other meeting. Anyway, all's history. sian.
Have u ever felt afraid? so afraid of nothing in particular? The pangs of fear grip me sometimes in the night n i usually just curl in bed under my blankie n cling on real tight to my bolster till the fear subsides or till i fall asleep, whicheva precedes. I remember when i was young i used to haf such experiences in the night n i'd call out to my mother to tell her anything unrelated like i haven't packed something in my sch bag, just to get a reply frm her to quell the uneasy feeling i had. I neva could tell her i felt afraid, cos i wouldn't b able to explain why. It was just there. And up till now i still cannot pin pt the cause, but now when i'm "all grown-up" i can't reallie call out for mommy anymore. It'll just haf to b me, my blankie, my bolster, my pillow, my 2 'cats' and my 'dog'.
Yet again, I'm feeling irritated, confused, frustrated, pissed, bye bye.
Wrk is tiring.. Leave the house at 7.30 reach home ard 6, when i reach home i'm too beat to do anything cept sit infront of the comp or sit infront of the tele. I think i'm gonna get a sorethroat, 7.5 hrs of talking is no joke, not only do u haf to talk u haf to speak politely n haf a so-called 'smile' to ur voice. I need pi pa gao! On my way back in the train n when i lie in my bed everynite, i hear all the qns tt haf been asked today in my head. so irritating! N no matter how hard i try to think abt other stuff it comes back into my head again. Grrr..... it's like wrkin 24-7. Looking forward to sunday everyweek~ yes, saturday is a full day! -_- I'll see how long i can survive.
neng gen ni shuo ji ju hua ma?