I thought it was an okae performance. Apart from the I dun reallie see the pt of the initial rehersal at the audi in the first place. The surface always seem wonderful and perfect, but if you look into the inner wrkings, sucky. But it was no doubt a large scale event, but with I wouldn't say desirable results.
My day ended on a good note i think.
Surprisingly, I feel tired but not drained. Been quite a busy 4 weeks.
I'm thinking too much...
Chinese New year tmr~ wee~
I find it extremely odd to label someone as "the ________" or maybe it's jus me. I'd rather use "My" any other day. *grin* Maybe cos i'm possessive, mine, all mine!! muahhaha.
I understand that being busy isn't necessarily a bad thing, I dun see it as always bad. I jus need to let off steam once in a while. Although i also know that complaining/ranting doesn't reallie do much good, it still helps a wee little.
n sometimes u'd like people to not take u for granted. "grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change, and the change the things that i can"
Walked happily from south spine to north spine to meet piggy after lesson today to realise that i left my laptop in the tutorial room. 'Doh. N i had to rush back like a mad woman, luckily my fren was taking care of it for me. Am i getting dementia or what? There's really alot of things on my mind.
N newswritingtcher said that i miss out my articles when i write. I honestly cannot tell the difference till i have been told there's a diff. =x N she din collect me paper, or rather i din hand up on time. bleah.
Busy week... Tired but not exhausted...yet. Probably social support is that useful in keeping me sane.
It is a big mistake to assume that i'm not doing anything and that i'm very free. N writing/editing/data entry/answering qns whilst juggling readings, upcoming prjs is not really an easy task...
Many a times i find myself having to go the extra mile, or doing sourcing which is really not in my required scope. Only so because it seems i'm impatient, and i get pek cek and rather go by "if u want something done, diy." Hence, i dislike and strongly object to anyone who makes such assumptions abt me. So gif me more time.
and stop giving me wrk.Spending more time on something that is not my priority.
Picked up something that's gonna kill me, but i'm convincing myself that it is a good learning experience.
if need be i will haf to drop wad is not my priority.
It is a dilemma of some sort, but i haf to think about the long run and be practical about my future. Even in terms of alloting my time, I will haf to do it not equally but according to equity.
And equity is a measure according to my standards, even if i choose to have a day to sit and stone, it should be my right to alot such a time and i will not feel bad about it and feel pressured to do so otherwise. Hate myself for spending all my time jus to complete something that wastes my energy at the expense of more impt things, jus so that i won't feel bad, when i shouldn't have to in the first place.
I wouldn't knoe wad to do if u weren't here anymore... I knoe i'd feel that we should haf spent more time together.I'd feel bad for the times I shouted at you or made you angry.I knoe you put in alot of effort, and i'm guilty to not contribute...
I thought i finally understood thought through some things, and the next min it slips my mind again. I am getting extremely forgetful, is this what growing older means? You don't mean to forget, you know u haf it somewhere at the back of your head but u jus can't recall.
My resolve has weakened yet again.
It has been raining on n off, weird weather, no wonder people are falling ill.
Heard things that made me wonder whether i haf been subconsciously trying to overlook certain issues. It has crossed my mind, or has been on my mind quite a bit, but i seem to always come up with some excuse to brush it away.
...felt used again.
Reached a point where i dun wanna look back and dun wanna look front either.
Didn't get wad i wanted. Been convincing myself tt i might need it in the future. There is a reason why i didn't get it. Or maybe i am jus unlucky.
Boarded the bus home and i saw this old man wearing shades. I wondered y he looked so familiar. Went and sat down a few seat behind him all the while trying reallie hard to think. Then i heard the distinct sound of a harmonica. And it hit me. He was the ah gong who plays the harmonica at the underpass. He seems so 'into' his instrument, playing it even when he's not basking. I think he had a portable radio with him because i faintly hear the sound of it. He must reallie love music. And he played my favourite song! Well, one of my favourites, I haf many many many favourite songs. Then it wouldn't be a favourite rite? Anyway, it was qing2 ren2 de4 yan3 lei4. For some reason it made me quite happy and I hummed the tune all the way home, made mental note to sing it if i go to the ktv the next time. It makes me wonder how someone you don't know can make you happy with jus a song. =)
Have i touched anyone with my actions lately? Certain pple leave memories such that objects, songs, places, scent, artiste, frequently used phrases remind you of them...
Would you knoe that i am thinking of you now? Would I something, anything, remind me of you? And it's difficult to shake off the association. Is this how heuristics wrk?
of all songs to play now but it's a nice song because you once said it was nice. Some people are associated with feelings too...
Issit unpleasant? Am i? Considered things... Wanted to try things...
2nd day of new year...
The first day seemed alright enough but didn't end up too well. Is this a bad omen.
When u feel like it's not ur fault and u're being blamed for it. It's a sickening feeling in the pit of your heart. Torn between whether to get angry and voice ur opinion or jus forget it n let it go at least the other person is feeling appeased and it's over.
At a certain point of time, it me it'll suddenly be my fault again.
Sometimes i wish certain things could happen, but i cannot say them cos i knoe if i did it would be carried out no doubt, but the original feeling would be lost because of the fact tt i haf to say it.
My new year's resolution is to not procrastinate, again.
N to treat myself better.