Thursday, May 13, 2004

I feel so bored everyday. Everday i just sit in front of the television n waste my day away. But there's nth else i'd rather b doing. All i look forward in a day is at nite when i can go online n chat wif frens. A little conversation out of the period of isolation throughtout the day, tts all i look forward to. N if i'm forbidden to use the internet just because of some stupid virus tts going ard. I refuse to obey tt.

I've been thinking alot abt myself lately. If u've got the whole day to urself n no one to talk to, it happens. I've realised tt i'm getting lousier by the day. I'm losing it man. Jk brought up the other day tt maybe we shldn't practise so hard cos the more she practises the more she feels she's deproving. Tt got me thinking tt maybe she's right. The more i live my life the more i feel like a wasted existence. I dunno wads happening reallie, i was ok when i was younger, i didn't feel so low den. Back to jk, as a snr i was supposed to say nice encouraging words plus we couldn't afford to b low in morale since the concert was but a few days away, so i told her tt the maybe she wasn't deproving, she was always of the same standard it's just tt along the way through the practices, u realise tt there r bits tt need improving n hence the 'deproving' senario. Tt might b wad i'm feeling too. I was always like tt just tt i din realise tt i've got alot to change. Maybe it's not a need but more of a discontent with myself. I need to b happy with who i am. Just like wad the guy in today's episode of Moulmein High said "I got to b myself" so there u go. I just solved my problem theoretically, now's the practical aspects tt needs wrking on.

I like the show 'Everwood' at 4pm. I've been thinking tt if only i could adopt a more jovial exterior and a sense of humour like Dr. Everwood, i'd b betta off. However, considering tt if u're a leading neurosurgen who can afford to move to an obsecure countryside n provide free consultation(which i'm not), u'd b pretty happy-go-lucky urself. It's the kind of, taking serious things lightly n yet not too lightly. The established equilibrium, the ability to b an all rounder. To cover all grounds, tt'll b nice.

I've picked up a particular irksome habit of cutting pple off when i predict wads gonna b said. Den i'd gif an answer b4 the qns it's asked. argh. veri rude, veri rude. N u know wads the worse thing? I did it during the interview one too many times n i've been feeling real bad abt it. sorry. bah, well u got ur 'revenge'. Maybe i've become less patient wif pple, which isn't a gd thing. But i can't help but notice the underlying motive tt some pple carry when they speak. =( I wished it's just me having wild thoughts, but it's quite accurate. How could i identify hidden agenda if i dinnoe how to use it? Now tts scary, for me.

by tab at 12:32 AM |